Quotations on Health terms
Ø Addiction
'For me,' said Sherlock Holmes, 'there still remains the cocaine bottle.'
Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930)
Scottish-born British writer and physician.
The Sign of Four, "The Strange Story of Jonathan Small"
Cocaine isn't habit-forming. I should know—I've been using it for years.
Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)
U.S. actor.
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
Attributed to Lenny Bruce (1925 - 1966)
U.S. comedian. Referring to his drug addiction.
There is only one reason why men become addicted to drugs, they are weak men. Only strong men are cured, and they cure themselves.
Martin H. Fischer (1879 - 1962)
German-born U.S. physician and author.
Ø AIDS
When you have AIDS, you're judged on how much sex you've had and what kind. There's nothing wrong with putting your arms around someone, holding them, feeling great.
Harvey Fierstein (1954 - )
U.S. actor and dramatist.
Playboy
I stare at death in a mirror behind the bar and wonder when I sacrificed my blood, and how I could not recognize the face that smiled with the mouth, the eyes, of death— In Manchester, London or Amsterdam. I do not hate that face, only the bell.
Adam Johnson (1975 - 1993)
British poet.
"The Playground Bell"
Everywhere I go I see increasing evidence of people swirling about in a human cesspit of their own making.
James Anderton (1932 - )
British police officer. Referring to AIDS.
Ø Alternative Therapies
A careful physician..., before he attempts to administer a remedy to his patient, must investigate not only the malady of the man he wishes to cure, but also his habits when in health, and his physical constitution.
Cicero (106 - 43 BC)
Roman orator and statesman.
De Oratore
Like cures like.
Samuel Hahnemann (1755 - 1843)
German physician, 1796.Motto for homeopathy.
The cure of many diseases is unknown to the physicians of Hellas, because they are ignorant of the whole, which ought to be studied also; for the part can never be well unless the whole is well.... This is the great error of our day in the treatment of the human body, that the physicians separate the soul from the body.
Plato (428? BC - 347? BC)
Greek philosopher.
Charmides
Ø Blindness
A little onward lend thy guiding hand to these dark steps, a little further on.
John Milton (1608 - 1674)
English writer.
Paradise Regain'd...To which is added Samson Agonistes, "Samson Agonistes"
When I consider how my light is spent, ere half my days, in this dark world and wide, And that one talent which is death to hide, Lodged with me.
John Milton (1608 - 1674)
English writer.
Poems &c. Upon Several Occasions, Sonnet 16, "On Blindness"
GLOUCESTER I have no way, and therefore want no eyes; I stumbled when I saw.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
King Lear Act 4, Scene 1
Ø Body
FALSTAFF Care I for the limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give me the spirit.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
Henry IV, Part 2 Act 3, Scene 2
Our body is a machine for living. It is organized for that, it is its nature. Let life go on in it unhindered and let it defend itself, it will do more than if you paralyze it by encumbering it with remedies.
Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910)
Russian writer.
War and Peace
Skin is like wax paper that holds everything in without dripping.
Art Link letter (1912 - )
Canadian-born U.S. radio and television broadcaster. This quote came from an unidentified young child. Link letter’s book was made up primarily of humorous quotes from children.
A Child's Garden of Misinformation
Ø Cancer
All my life I've been competing—and competing to win. I came to realize that in its way, this cancer was the toughest competition I'd faced yet. I made up my mind that I was going to lick it all the way.
Babe Didrikson (1913 - 1956)
U.S. athlete.
Cancer is due to the stagnation of the flow of the life energy in the organism.
Wilhelm Reich (1897 - 1957)
Austrian psychoanalyst.
Cancer's a Funny Thing:
I wish I had the voice of Homer to sing of rectal carcinoma, which kills a lot more chaps, in fact, than were bumped off when Troy was sacked.
J. B. S. Haldane (1892 - 1964)
British geneticist. Written while mortally ill with cancer.
The New Statesman (London), "Cancer's a Funny Thing"
Ø Dentists
Dentist, n. A prestidigitator that, putting metal into your mouth pulls coins out of your pocket.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914?)
U.S. writer and journalist.
The Devil's Dictionary
He had one peculiar weakness; he had faced death in many forms but he had never faced a dentist. The thought of dentists gave him just the same sick horror as the thought of Socialism.
H. G. Wells (1866 - 1946)
British writer.
Bealby
Our gratitude to most benefactors is the same as our feeling for dentists who have pulled our teeth. We acknowledge the good they have done and the evil from which they have delivered us, but we remember the pain they occasioned and do not love them very much.
Nicolas Chamfort (1741 - 1794)
French writer.
Maximes et pensées
Ø Dieting
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996)
U.S. journalist.
If Life is a Bowl of Cherries—what am I doing in the Pits?
My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like—just don't swallow it.
Harry Secombe (1921 - 2001)
Welsh singer, actor, and comedian.
The Daily Herald (London)
Ninety-five per cent of dieters will regain all the weight loss within two or three years...The average woman would not be able to drop two dress-sizes in three weeks without seriously affecting her health.
Alice Mahon (1937 - )
British politician.
The Independent
Ø Digestion
Confirmed dispepsia is the apparatus of illusions.
George Meredith (1828 - 1909)
British novelist and poet.
The Ordeal of Richard Feverel
Ø Disability
Another great Advantage of Deformity is that it tends to the Improvement of the Mind. A man that cannot shine in his Person will have recourse to his Understanding: and attempt to adorn that Part of him, which alone is capable of ornament.
William Hay (1695 - 1755)
English writer and politician.
"Deformity: an Essay"
I was again fortunate in that I chose theoretical physics, because that is all in the mind. So my disability has not been a serious handicap.
Stephen Hawking (1942 - )
British physicist, 1988.Stephen Hawking has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
If there are any of you at the back who do not hear me, please don't raise your hands because I am also nearsighted.
W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973)
British poet. Beginning a lecture in a large hall.
Ø Disease
KING Diseases desperate grown by desperate appliance are relieved, or not at all.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
Hamlet Act 4, Scene 3
A bodily disease, which we look upon as whole and entire within it, may, after all, be but a symptom of some ailment in the spiritual part.
Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804 - 1864)
U.S. novelist and short-story writer.
The Scarlet Letter
As killing as the canker to the rose.
John Milton (1608 - 1674)
English writer.
Poems of Mr. John Milton, "Lycidas"
Ø Doctors
I am dying with the help of too many physicians.
Attributed to Alexander the Great (356 BC - 323 BC)
Macedonian monarch, 323 BC.
'Is there no hope?' the sick Man said, the silent doctor shook his head, and took his leave with signs of sorrow, Despairing of his fee to-morrow.
John Gay (1685 - 1732)
English poet and playwright.
Fables, "The Sick Man and the Angel"
A physician is one who pours drugs of which he knows little into a body of which he knows less.
Attributed to Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
French writer and philosopher.
Ø Drugs
A drug is that substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.
Anonymous
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill.
Martin H. Fischer (1879 - 1962)
German-born U.S. physician and author.
A miracle drug is any drug that will do what the label says it will do.
Eric Hodgins (1899 - 1971)
U.S. writer and editor.
Episode
Eating
How did you think I managed at dinner, Clarence?' 'Capitally!' 'I had a knife and two forks left at the end,' she said regretfully.
William Pett Ridge (1857 - 1930)
British writer.
Love at Paddington Green
Edible, adj. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914?)
U.S. writer and journalist.
The Devil's Dictionary
Beauty will be edible or will not exist.
Salvador Dalí (1904 - 1989)
Spanish surrealist painter.
Ø Exercise
At what time does the dissipation of energy begin?
William Thomson Kelvin (1824 - 1907)
British mathematician and physicist. Said on realizing that his wife was planning an afternoon excursion.
Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it: if you are sick, you shouldn't take it.
Attributed to Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)
U.S. car manufacturer.
I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.
Attributed to Chauncey Depew (1834 - 1928)
U.S. lawyer and public official.
Ø Feet
Tight boots are one of the greatest goods in the world, for, by making feet hurt, they create an opportunity to enjoy the pleasure of taking off your boots.
Joaquim Maria Machado de Assis (1839 - 1908)
Brazilian novelist and short-story writer.
Epitaph of a Small Winner
Ø Eyes
His eyes, of a steely light grey, had a very disconcerting trick, when they encountered your eyes, of looking as if they expected something more from you than you were aware of yourself.
Wilkie Collins (1824 - 1889)
British novelist. Describing Sergeant Cuff.
The Moonstone
It needs no dictionary of quotations to remind me that the eyes are the windows of the soul.
Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956)
British essayist, critic, and caricaturist.
Zuleika Dobson
Our eyes are sentinels unto our judgments, and should give certain judgment what they see; But they are rash sometimes, and tell us wonders of common things, which when our judgments find, they can then check the eyes, and call them blind.
Thomas Middleton (1580? - 1627)
English playwright.
The Changeling (co-written with William Rowley)
Ø Florence Nightingale
A Lady with a Lamp shall stand in the great history of the land, a noble type of good, Heroic womanhood
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)
U.S. poet. Referring to Florence Nightingale.
"Santa Filomena"
What a comfort it was to see her pass. She would speak to one, and nod and smile to as many more; but she could not do it to all you know. We lay there by the hundreds; but we could kiss her shadow as it fell and lay our heads on the pillow again content.
Anonymous
Referring to Florence Nightingale.
Yet her conception of God was certainly not orthodox. She felt towards Him as she might have felt towards a glorified sanitary engineer; and in some of her speculations she seems hardly to distinguish between the Deity and the Drains.
Lytton Strachey (1880 - 1932)
British writer. Referring to Florence Nightingale.
Eminent Victorians, "Florence Nightingale"
Ø Health and healthy living
In sickness, respect health principally; and in health, action. For those that put their bodies to endure in health, may in most sicknesses, which are not very sharp, be cured only with diet and tendering.
Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626)
English philosopher, statesman, and lawyer.
Essays, "Of Regiment of Health"
A person often falls very ill in order to become someone else and then returns to health much disappointed.
Elias Canetti (1905 - 1994)
Bulgarian-born writer.
The Agony of Flies
A man ought to handle his body like the sail of a ship, and neither lower and reduce it much when no cloud is in sight, nor be slack and careless in managing it when he comes to suspect something is wrong.
Plutarch (46? - 120?)
Greek biographer and philosopher.
Moralia, "Advice about Keeping Well"
Ø Hearing
But I did not remove my glasses, for I had not asked for her company in the first place, and there is a limit to what one can listen to with the naked eye.
Muriel Spark (1918 - 2006)
British novelist.
Voices at Play, "The Dark Glasses"
I don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't been able to hear.
Ray Charles (1930 - 2004)
U.S. pianist and singer. Ray Charles lost his sight before the age of seven.
Ø Heart
Out-worn heart, in a time out-worn, Come clear of the nets of wrong and right; Laugh, heart, again in the grey twilight, Sigh, heart, again in the dew of the morn.
W. B. Yeats (1865 - 1939)
Irish poet and playwright.
The Wind among the Reeds, "Into the Twilight"
Thanks to the human heart by which we live, Thanks to its tenderness, its joys and fears, to me the meanest flower that blows can give Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.
William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850)
British poet.
Poems in Two Volumes (vol. 2), "Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood"
What other dungeon is as dark as one's own heart! What jailer as inexorable as one's self.
Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804 - 1864)
U.S. novelist and short-story writer.
The House of Seven Gables
Ø Well being
Hold him alone truly fortunate who has ended his life in happy well-being.
Aeschylus (525? - 456 bc)
Greek tragedian and dramatist.
Agamemnon
People want others to speak of them, they want to live without pain, for a long time, and before they die to be just a little immortal.
Jorge Steiner (1930 - )
Swiss poet and novelist.
"Curriculum vitae"
Ø Hospitals
If you are hidebound with prejudice, if your temper is sentimental, you can go through the wards of a hospital and be as ignorant of man at the end as you were at the beginning.
Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
British writer.
The Summing Up
How high they build hospitals! Lighted cliffs, against dawns of day’s people will die on.
Philip Larkin (1922 - 1985)
British poet.
"How"
The sooner patients can be removed from the depressing influence of general hospital life the more rapid their convalescence.
Charles Horace Mayo (1865 - 1939)
U.S. physician.
The Lancet (London)
Ø Hygiene
Bath twice a day to be really clean, once a day to be passably clean, once a week to avoid being a public menace.
Anthony Burgess (1917 - 1993)
British writer and critic, 1963.
Mr. Enderby
Hygiene is the corruption of medicine by morality.
H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
U.S. journalist, critic, and editor.
Prejudices, "The Physician"
Man does not live by soap alone, and hygiene, or even health, is not much good unless you can take a healthy view of it—or, better still, feel a healthy indifference to it.
G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)
British writer and poet.
"On St. George Revivified"
Ø Hypochondria
Dear Doctor (said he one day to a common acquaintance, who lamented the tender state of his inside), do not be like the spider; man, and spin conversation thus incessantly out of thy own bowels.
Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
British lexicographer and writer.
He destroys his health by laboring to preserve it.
Virgil (70 - 19 BC)
Roman poet.
Aeneid
Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
Joseph Heller (1923 - 1999)
U.S. novelist.
Catch-22
Ø Illness
'Ye can call it influenza if ye like,' said Mrs. Machin. 'There was no influenza in my young days. We called a cold a cold.'
Arnold Bennett (1867 - 1931)
British writer.
The Card
A long illness seems to be placed between life and death, in order to make death a comfort both to those who die and to those who remain.
Jean de La Bruyère (1645 - 1696)
French essayist and moralist.
Characters or the Manners of the Age
A weary thing is sickness and its pains!
Euripides (480? - 406 BC)
Greek playwright.
Hippolytus
Ø Medicine
'Pray, Mr. Abernethy, what is a cure for gout?' was the question of an indolent and luxurious citizen. 'Live upon sixpence a day—and earn it,' was the cogent reply.
John Abernethy (1764 - 1831)
British surgeon.
A clinician learns less and less about more and more until he knows nothing about everything. A researcher learns more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.
Anonymous
A man is as old as his arteries.
Thomas Sydenham (1624 - 1689)
English physician.
Ø Obesity
FALSTAFF I have more flesh than another man, and therefore more frailty.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
Henry IV, Part 1 Act 3, Scene 3
I see no objection to stoutness, in moderation. W. S. Gilbert (1836 - 1911)
British librettist and playwright.
Iolanthe
Just the other day in the Underground I enjoyed the pleasure of offering my seat to three ladies.
G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)
British writer and poet. Suggesting that fatness had its consolations.
Ø Patients
An unruly patient makes a harsh physician.
Publilius Syrus (lived 1st century BC)
Roman writer.
Sententiae
It is the patient rather than the case which requires treatment.
Robert Tuttle Morris (1857 - 1945)
U.S. surgeon and writer.
Doctors versus Folks
Never believe what a patient tells you his doctor has said.
Attributed to William Jenner (1815 - 1898)
British physician and pathologist.
Ø Old age
'And what can we expect if we haven't any dinner, but to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner?'
Edward Lear (1812 - 1888)
British writer and artist.
Laughable Lyrics, "The Two Old Bachelors"
That time of year thou mayst in me behold when yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang upon those boughs which shake against the cold, bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright."Choirs" refers to the choir stalls in an abbey stripped of its precious lead roof after the dissolution of monasteries (1533).
Sonnet 73
Spurned by the young, but hugged by the old to the very verge of the churchyard mould.
Thomas Hood (1799 - 1845)
British poet and humorist.
Miss Kilmansegg and her Precious Leg, "Her Moral"
Ø Remedies
Diseases of their own Accord, But Cures come difficult and hard.
Samuel Butler (1612 - 1680)
English satirist.
"Satyr upon the Weakness and Misery of Man"
Even as a surgeon, minding off to cut Some cureless limb,—before in urge he put His violent engines on the vicious member, Bringeth his patient in a senseless slumber, And grief-less then (guided by use and art), To save the whole, sawes off th' infested part.
Guillaume du Bartas (1544 - 1590)
French poet.
Divine Weekes and Workers, "First Week, Sixth Day"
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat and wrong.
H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
U.S. journalist, critic, and editor.
Ø Pregnancy
A fetus is a benign tumor, a vampire who steals in order to live. The so-called miracle of birth is nature getting her own way.
Camille Puglia (1947 - )
U.S. academic and author.
Sexual Personae
Every year in the fullness o' summer, when the sukebind hangs heavy from the wains, 'tes the same. And when the spring comes her hour is upon her again. 'Tes the hand of Nature and we women cannot escape it.
Stella Gibbons (1902 - 1989)
British poet and novelist. Referring to the kitchen girl's yearly pregnancies.
Cold Comfort Farm
In men nine out of ten abdominal tumors are malignant; in women nine out of ten abdominal swellings are the pregnant uterus.
Rutherford Morrison (1853 - 1939)
British doctor.
The Practitioner
Ø Rest
I enjoy convalescence. It is the part that makes the illness worth while.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Irish playwright.
Back to Methuselah
ANTONY Unarm, Eros; the long day's task is done, and we must sleep.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
Antony and Cleopatra Act 4, Scene 14
Laudanum gave me repose, not sleep; but you, I believe, know how divine this repose is, what a spot of enchantment, a green spot of fountain and flowers and trees in the very heart of a waste of sands.
Attributed to Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)
British poet.
Ø Teeth
Every tooth in a man's head is more valuable than a diamond.
Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616)
Spanish novelist and dramatist.
Don Quixote
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
U.S. writer and humorist.
Pudd'nhead Wilson
For years I have let dentists ride roughshod over my teeth: I have been sawed, hacked, chopped, whittled, bewitched, bewildered, tattooed, and signed on again; but this is cuspid's last stand.
S. J. Perelman (1904 - 1979)
U.S. humorist.
Crazy like a Fox, "Nothing but the Tooth"
Ø Addiction
'For me,' said Sherlock Holmes, 'there still remains the cocaine bottle.'
Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930)
Scottish-born British writer and physician.
The Sign of Four, "The Strange Story of Jonathan Small"
Cocaine isn't habit-forming. I should know—I've been using it for years.
Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)
U.S. actor.
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
Attributed to Lenny Bruce (1925 - 1966)
U.S. comedian. Referring to his drug addiction.
There is only one reason why men become addicted to drugs, they are weak men. Only strong men are cured, and they cure themselves.
Martin H. Fischer (1879 - 1962)
German-born U.S. physician and author.
Ø AIDS
When you have AIDS, you're judged on how much sex you've had and what kind. There's nothing wrong with putting your arms around someone, holding them, feeling great.
Harvey Fierstein (1954 - )
U.S. actor and dramatist.
Playboy
I stare at death in a mirror behind the bar and wonder when I sacrificed my blood, and how I could not recognize the face that smiled with the mouth, the eyes, of death— In Manchester, London or Amsterdam. I do not hate that face, only the bell.
Adam Johnson (1975 - 1993)
British poet.
"The Playground Bell"
Everywhere I go I see increasing evidence of people swirling about in a human cesspit of their own making.
James Anderton (1932 - )
British police officer. Referring to AIDS.
Ø Alternative Therapies
A careful physician..., before he attempts to administer a remedy to his patient, must investigate not only the malady of the man he wishes to cure, but also his habits when in health, and his physical constitution.
Cicero (106 - 43 BC)
Roman orator and statesman.
De Oratore
Like cures like.
Samuel Hahnemann (1755 - 1843)
German physician, 1796.Motto for homeopathy.
The cure of many diseases is unknown to the physicians of Hellas, because they are ignorant of the whole, which ought to be studied also; for the part can never be well unless the whole is well.... This is the great error of our day in the treatment of the human body, that the physicians separate the soul from the body.
Plato (428? BC - 347? BC)
Greek philosopher.
Charmides
Ø Blindness
A little onward lend thy guiding hand to these dark steps, a little further on.
John Milton (1608 - 1674)
English writer.
Paradise Regain'd...To which is added Samson Agonistes, "Samson Agonistes"
When I consider how my light is spent, ere half my days, in this dark world and wide, And that one talent which is death to hide, Lodged with me.
John Milton (1608 - 1674)
English writer.
Poems &c. Upon Several Occasions, Sonnet 16, "On Blindness"
GLOUCESTER I have no way, and therefore want no eyes; I stumbled when I saw.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
King Lear Act 4, Scene 1
Ø Body
FALSTAFF Care I for the limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give me the spirit.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
Henry IV, Part 2 Act 3, Scene 2
Our body is a machine for living. It is organized for that, it is its nature. Let life go on in it unhindered and let it defend itself, it will do more than if you paralyze it by encumbering it with remedies.
Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910)
Russian writer.
War and Peace
Skin is like wax paper that holds everything in without dripping.
Art Link letter (1912 - )
Canadian-born U.S. radio and television broadcaster. This quote came from an unidentified young child. Link letter’s book was made up primarily of humorous quotes from children.
A Child's Garden of Misinformation
Ø Cancer
All my life I've been competing—and competing to win. I came to realize that in its way, this cancer was the toughest competition I'd faced yet. I made up my mind that I was going to lick it all the way.
Babe Didrikson (1913 - 1956)
U.S. athlete.
Cancer is due to the stagnation of the flow of the life energy in the organism.
Wilhelm Reich (1897 - 1957)
Austrian psychoanalyst.
Cancer's a Funny Thing:
I wish I had the voice of Homer to sing of rectal carcinoma, which kills a lot more chaps, in fact, than were bumped off when Troy was sacked.
J. B. S. Haldane (1892 - 1964)
British geneticist. Written while mortally ill with cancer.
The New Statesman (London), "Cancer's a Funny Thing"
Ø Dentists
Dentist, n. A prestidigitator that, putting metal into your mouth pulls coins out of your pocket.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914?)
U.S. writer and journalist.
The Devil's Dictionary
He had one peculiar weakness; he had faced death in many forms but he had never faced a dentist. The thought of dentists gave him just the same sick horror as the thought of Socialism.
H. G. Wells (1866 - 1946)
British writer.
Bealby
Our gratitude to most benefactors is the same as our feeling for dentists who have pulled our teeth. We acknowledge the good they have done and the evil from which they have delivered us, but we remember the pain they occasioned and do not love them very much.
Nicolas Chamfort (1741 - 1794)
French writer.
Maximes et pensées
Ø Dieting
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996)
U.S. journalist.
If Life is a Bowl of Cherries—what am I doing in the Pits?
My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like—just don't swallow it.
Harry Secombe (1921 - 2001)
Welsh singer, actor, and comedian.
The Daily Herald (London)
Ninety-five per cent of dieters will regain all the weight loss within two or three years...The average woman would not be able to drop two dress-sizes in three weeks without seriously affecting her health.
Alice Mahon (1937 - )
British politician.
The Independent
Ø Digestion
Confirmed dispepsia is the apparatus of illusions.
George Meredith (1828 - 1909)
British novelist and poet.
The Ordeal of Richard Feverel
Ø Disability
Another great Advantage of Deformity is that it tends to the Improvement of the Mind. A man that cannot shine in his Person will have recourse to his Understanding: and attempt to adorn that Part of him, which alone is capable of ornament.
William Hay (1695 - 1755)
English writer and politician.
"Deformity: an Essay"
I was again fortunate in that I chose theoretical physics, because that is all in the mind. So my disability has not been a serious handicap.
Stephen Hawking (1942 - )
British physicist, 1988.Stephen Hawking has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
If there are any of you at the back who do not hear me, please don't raise your hands because I am also nearsighted.
W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973)
British poet. Beginning a lecture in a large hall.
Ø Disease
KING Diseases desperate grown by desperate appliance are relieved, or not at all.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
Hamlet Act 4, Scene 3
A bodily disease, which we look upon as whole and entire within it, may, after all, be but a symptom of some ailment in the spiritual part.
Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804 - 1864)
U.S. novelist and short-story writer.
The Scarlet Letter
As killing as the canker to the rose.
John Milton (1608 - 1674)
English writer.
Poems of Mr. John Milton, "Lycidas"
Ø Doctors
I am dying with the help of too many physicians.
Attributed to Alexander the Great (356 BC - 323 BC)
Macedonian monarch, 323 BC.
'Is there no hope?' the sick Man said, the silent doctor shook his head, and took his leave with signs of sorrow, Despairing of his fee to-morrow.
John Gay (1685 - 1732)
English poet and playwright.
Fables, "The Sick Man and the Angel"
A physician is one who pours drugs of which he knows little into a body of which he knows less.
Attributed to Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
French writer and philosopher.
Ø Drugs
A drug is that substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.
Anonymous
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill.
Martin H. Fischer (1879 - 1962)
German-born U.S. physician and author.
A miracle drug is any drug that will do what the label says it will do.
Eric Hodgins (1899 - 1971)
U.S. writer and editor.
Episode
Eating
How did you think I managed at dinner, Clarence?' 'Capitally!' 'I had a knife and two forks left at the end,' she said regretfully.
William Pett Ridge (1857 - 1930)
British writer.
Love at Paddington Green
Edible, adj. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914?)
U.S. writer and journalist.
The Devil's Dictionary
Beauty will be edible or will not exist.
Salvador Dalí (1904 - 1989)
Spanish surrealist painter.
Ø Exercise
At what time does the dissipation of energy begin?
William Thomson Kelvin (1824 - 1907)
British mathematician and physicist. Said on realizing that his wife was planning an afternoon excursion.
Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it: if you are sick, you shouldn't take it.
Attributed to Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)
U.S. car manufacturer.
I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.
Attributed to Chauncey Depew (1834 - 1928)
U.S. lawyer and public official.
Ø Feet
Tight boots are one of the greatest goods in the world, for, by making feet hurt, they create an opportunity to enjoy the pleasure of taking off your boots.
Joaquim Maria Machado de Assis (1839 - 1908)
Brazilian novelist and short-story writer.
Epitaph of a Small Winner
Ø Eyes
His eyes, of a steely light grey, had a very disconcerting trick, when they encountered your eyes, of looking as if they expected something more from you than you were aware of yourself.
Wilkie Collins (1824 - 1889)
British novelist. Describing Sergeant Cuff.
The Moonstone
It needs no dictionary of quotations to remind me that the eyes are the windows of the soul.
Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956)
British essayist, critic, and caricaturist.
Zuleika Dobson
Our eyes are sentinels unto our judgments, and should give certain judgment what they see; But they are rash sometimes, and tell us wonders of common things, which when our judgments find, they can then check the eyes, and call them blind.
Thomas Middleton (1580? - 1627)
English playwright.
The Changeling (co-written with William Rowley)
Ø Florence Nightingale
A Lady with a Lamp shall stand in the great history of the land, a noble type of good, Heroic womanhood
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)
U.S. poet. Referring to Florence Nightingale.
"Santa Filomena"
What a comfort it was to see her pass. She would speak to one, and nod and smile to as many more; but she could not do it to all you know. We lay there by the hundreds; but we could kiss her shadow as it fell and lay our heads on the pillow again content.
Anonymous
Referring to Florence Nightingale.
Yet her conception of God was certainly not orthodox. She felt towards Him as she might have felt towards a glorified sanitary engineer; and in some of her speculations she seems hardly to distinguish between the Deity and the Drains.
Lytton Strachey (1880 - 1932)
British writer. Referring to Florence Nightingale.
Eminent Victorians, "Florence Nightingale"
Ø Health and healthy living
In sickness, respect health principally; and in health, action. For those that put their bodies to endure in health, may in most sicknesses, which are not very sharp, be cured only with diet and tendering.
Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626)
English philosopher, statesman, and lawyer.
Essays, "Of Regiment of Health"
A person often falls very ill in order to become someone else and then returns to health much disappointed.
Elias Canetti (1905 - 1994)
Bulgarian-born writer.
The Agony of Flies
A man ought to handle his body like the sail of a ship, and neither lower and reduce it much when no cloud is in sight, nor be slack and careless in managing it when he comes to suspect something is wrong.
Plutarch (46? - 120?)
Greek biographer and philosopher.
Moralia, "Advice about Keeping Well"
Ø Hearing
But I did not remove my glasses, for I had not asked for her company in the first place, and there is a limit to what one can listen to with the naked eye.
Muriel Spark (1918 - 2006)
British novelist.
Voices at Play, "The Dark Glasses"
I don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't been able to hear.
Ray Charles (1930 - 2004)
U.S. pianist and singer. Ray Charles lost his sight before the age of seven.
Ø Heart
Out-worn heart, in a time out-worn, Come clear of the nets of wrong and right; Laugh, heart, again in the grey twilight, Sigh, heart, again in the dew of the morn.
W. B. Yeats (1865 - 1939)
Irish poet and playwright.
The Wind among the Reeds, "Into the Twilight"
Thanks to the human heart by which we live, Thanks to its tenderness, its joys and fears, to me the meanest flower that blows can give Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.
William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850)
British poet.
Poems in Two Volumes (vol. 2), "Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood"
What other dungeon is as dark as one's own heart! What jailer as inexorable as one's self.
Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804 - 1864)
U.S. novelist and short-story writer.
The House of Seven Gables
Ø Well being
Hold him alone truly fortunate who has ended his life in happy well-being.
Aeschylus (525? - 456 bc)
Greek tragedian and dramatist.
Agamemnon
People want others to speak of them, they want to live without pain, for a long time, and before they die to be just a little immortal.
Jorge Steiner (1930 - )
Swiss poet and novelist.
"Curriculum vitae"
Ø Hospitals
If you are hidebound with prejudice, if your temper is sentimental, you can go through the wards of a hospital and be as ignorant of man at the end as you were at the beginning.
Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
British writer.
The Summing Up
How high they build hospitals! Lighted cliffs, against dawns of day’s people will die on.
Philip Larkin (1922 - 1985)
British poet.
"How"
The sooner patients can be removed from the depressing influence of general hospital life the more rapid their convalescence.
Charles Horace Mayo (1865 - 1939)
U.S. physician.
The Lancet (London)
Ø Hygiene
Bath twice a day to be really clean, once a day to be passably clean, once a week to avoid being a public menace.
Anthony Burgess (1917 - 1993)
British writer and critic, 1963.
Mr. Enderby
Hygiene is the corruption of medicine by morality.
H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
U.S. journalist, critic, and editor.
Prejudices, "The Physician"
Man does not live by soap alone, and hygiene, or even health, is not much good unless you can take a healthy view of it—or, better still, feel a healthy indifference to it.
G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)
British writer and poet.
"On St. George Revivified"
Ø Hypochondria
Dear Doctor (said he one day to a common acquaintance, who lamented the tender state of his inside), do not be like the spider; man, and spin conversation thus incessantly out of thy own bowels.
Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
British lexicographer and writer.
He destroys his health by laboring to preserve it.
Virgil (70 - 19 BC)
Roman poet.
Aeneid
Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
Joseph Heller (1923 - 1999)
U.S. novelist.
Catch-22
Ø Illness
'Ye can call it influenza if ye like,' said Mrs. Machin. 'There was no influenza in my young days. We called a cold a cold.'
Arnold Bennett (1867 - 1931)
British writer.
The Card
A long illness seems to be placed between life and death, in order to make death a comfort both to those who die and to those who remain.
Jean de La Bruyère (1645 - 1696)
French essayist and moralist.
Characters or the Manners of the Age
A weary thing is sickness and its pains!
Euripides (480? - 406 BC)
Greek playwright.
Hippolytus
Ø Medicine
'Pray, Mr. Abernethy, what is a cure for gout?' was the question of an indolent and luxurious citizen. 'Live upon sixpence a day—and earn it,' was the cogent reply.
John Abernethy (1764 - 1831)
British surgeon.
A clinician learns less and less about more and more until he knows nothing about everything. A researcher learns more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.
Anonymous
A man is as old as his arteries.
Thomas Sydenham (1624 - 1689)
English physician.
Ø Obesity
FALSTAFF I have more flesh than another man, and therefore more frailty.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
Henry IV, Part 1 Act 3, Scene 3
I see no objection to stoutness, in moderation. W. S. Gilbert (1836 - 1911)
British librettist and playwright.
Iolanthe
Just the other day in the Underground I enjoyed the pleasure of offering my seat to three ladies.
G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)
British writer and poet. Suggesting that fatness had its consolations.
Ø Patients
An unruly patient makes a harsh physician.
Publilius Syrus (lived 1st century BC)
Roman writer.
Sententiae
It is the patient rather than the case which requires treatment.
Robert Tuttle Morris (1857 - 1945)
U.S. surgeon and writer.
Doctors versus Folks
Never believe what a patient tells you his doctor has said.
Attributed to William Jenner (1815 - 1898)
British physician and pathologist.
Ø Old age
'And what can we expect if we haven't any dinner, but to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner?'
Edward Lear (1812 - 1888)
British writer and artist.
Laughable Lyrics, "The Two Old Bachelors"
That time of year thou mayst in me behold when yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang upon those boughs which shake against the cold, bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright."Choirs" refers to the choir stalls in an abbey stripped of its precious lead roof after the dissolution of monasteries (1533).
Sonnet 73
Spurned by the young, but hugged by the old to the very verge of the churchyard mould.
Thomas Hood (1799 - 1845)
British poet and humorist.
Miss Kilmansegg and her Precious Leg, "Her Moral"
Ø Remedies
Diseases of their own Accord, But Cures come difficult and hard.
Samuel Butler (1612 - 1680)
English satirist.
"Satyr upon the Weakness and Misery of Man"
Even as a surgeon, minding off to cut Some cureless limb,—before in urge he put His violent engines on the vicious member, Bringeth his patient in a senseless slumber, And grief-less then (guided by use and art), To save the whole, sawes off th' infested part.
Guillaume du Bartas (1544 - 1590)
French poet.
Divine Weekes and Workers, "First Week, Sixth Day"
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat and wrong.
H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
U.S. journalist, critic, and editor.
Ø Pregnancy
A fetus is a benign tumor, a vampire who steals in order to live. The so-called miracle of birth is nature getting her own way.
Camille Puglia (1947 - )
U.S. academic and author.
Sexual Personae
Every year in the fullness o' summer, when the sukebind hangs heavy from the wains, 'tes the same. And when the spring comes her hour is upon her again. 'Tes the hand of Nature and we women cannot escape it.
Stella Gibbons (1902 - 1989)
British poet and novelist. Referring to the kitchen girl's yearly pregnancies.
Cold Comfort Farm
In men nine out of ten abdominal tumors are malignant; in women nine out of ten abdominal swellings are the pregnant uterus.
Rutherford Morrison (1853 - 1939)
British doctor.
The Practitioner
Ø Rest
I enjoy convalescence. It is the part that makes the illness worth while.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Irish playwright.
Back to Methuselah
ANTONY Unarm, Eros; the long day's task is done, and we must sleep.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
English poet and playwright.
Antony and Cleopatra Act 4, Scene 14
Laudanum gave me repose, not sleep; but you, I believe, know how divine this repose is, what a spot of enchantment, a green spot of fountain and flowers and trees in the very heart of a waste of sands.
Attributed to Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)
British poet.
Ø Teeth
Every tooth in a man's head is more valuable than a diamond.
Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616)
Spanish novelist and dramatist.
Don Quixote
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
U.S. writer and humorist.
Pudd'nhead Wilson
For years I have let dentists ride roughshod over my teeth: I have been sawed, hacked, chopped, whittled, bewitched, bewildered, tattooed, and signed on again; but this is cuspid's last stand.
S. J. Perelman (1904 - 1979)
U.S. humorist.
Crazy like a Fox, "Nothing but the Tooth"

